Last Updated on 2020-10-12 by ppcguybklyn
You may hear small talk before. It refers to talk about kinds of stuff in our life. But why Americans like to small talk? I have asked some Americans, and they told me the reason they do small talk is that they think they should say something when they are in the same room with others to show courtesy and prevent awkwardness. Therefore, when you are with Americans such as in the elevator, in a line, or at the counter of a shop, they would actively want to talk to you if you are not crossing your arms or obviously don’t want to be disturbed. However, this culture is quite different from the east coast to the west coast. People in New York City tend to be busy, so they don’t do small talk often. When I moved from Arizona to New York, I felt weird because no one does small talk with me.
Not all people are good at small talk. It needs people to practice. I had two American roommates before. One roommate talked a lot to me like how’s the weather. The other roommate seldom did that. In Taiwan, the situation is the same. Not everyone is good at small talk
The most important thing in small talk is no silence. You must reply to others and give him or her the next topic to continue the dialogue. The contents you talk with each other is not important. People tend not to pay full attention to it so they may ask you the same question again.
Besides showing courtesy, small talk is really important in networking. Some people like to have a small talk before talking about formal things. Therefore, picking up the skills of small talk can be helpful in both your casual life and professional life.
In the following article I’ll introduce the usual process of small talk and some useful common responses .
1.The opening
If you are meeting someone in person or having a phone call , you cannot skip the opening. If you start first. you can ask:
How are you?
What’s up?
Hi, how’s it going?
If they ask you first, make sure you ask him or her back after the answer, so the dialogue will continue.
Good, and you?
Nothing special, and you?
Pretty good. How about you?
You don’t need to tell how you truly feel,because the listener is usually not that interested in it.After the opening, you can jump into the topic you want to talk about.
2. Decide the topic
If you meet someone on the road or you add in a group in the middle of dialogue, you can skip the opening and pick up a topic. Make sure your topic is not sensitive. For example, you should avoid politics and religion if you don’t know others very well.
Common topics are:
- Things in daily life
- Weather: The weather is good/bad today.
- Recent big news
- Neighborhood
- When you see your neighbor’s dog: Your dog is so adorable!
- When you meet your neighbor in the evening: How was your day?
- Acquaintance
- What’s your plan after this?
- What did you eat for lunch?
- Coworkers/ Classmates
- How’s the meeting?
- Are you ready for the test?
- When it’s Monday: How was your weekend?
- When it’s Friday?: What are you going to do this weekend?
- Sports
- Did you watch the game last night?
- Important news about players
- TV Series
- Did you watch the newest episode?
- Still don’t know what to say?
- No matter what you see, say something positive.: Your cloth is pretty. / I like your dress. / Your shoes are nice. / Nice haircut!
Sports and TV Series are important in American Culture. If you are interested in the two topics, that will be a big plus. Therefore, if you find the person is also interested in that topic, you should talk more about your opinions towards the sports season or your favorite TV series character.
3. Let others know “I’m listening”
Americans care about whether you’re listening or not. The way they confirm this is by your response to what they said. Here are some ways to show them “I’m listening”
- Moderately use non-sense words
- No specific emotion：Uh-huh, I see, Right, OK,mm-hmm…
- Interested：Oh yeah?
- Surprised：Oh Really?!
- Positive：Wow! Great!
- Sad：Oh no…
- Rejoinders
Besides using these words, we can extend these words to a whole sentence to make the dialogue continue.
Common rejoinders:
| Positive | Sad/Bad | Surprising |
| That’s nice! Sounds great! That’s awesome! Oh cool! | Sorry to hear that. That’s too bad. | Really?! You’re kidding! Seriously? For real? |
Say these words when you’re listening, and talk about opinions when there is a chance. These are ways you can show you’re a good listener.
4. Follow up
We can continue the dialogue by following up on what he or she just said.
Figure more questions from the other’s answer.
For example, I went to ice skate in Central Park yesterday.
Answer: Really? (1) Did you see lots of flowers there? (2) You can ice skate? That’s so cool.
Talk about your experience or opinions based on other’s answers.
For example, I just saw a movie last week, and it was awesome.
Answer: Oh yeah. I like (characters) most, and (your opinion of this movie).
Likewise, you should add more details to let people ask back.
5. End the small talk
Some small talk would end automatically such as you have finished checking out. However, sometimes you’ll need to finish the dialogue yourself.
If you do small talk before a meeting, you cannot do a long small talk in case others lose patience. After 5 minutes, you can end the small talk and discuss formal things. For example, you can use “So, about our meeting / report today … “ to lead the topic.
If you do small talk just for making friends, you can say “I have to go, I’ll see you later. “ to end the small talk.
